"Most Eligible Dallas" Premiers on Bravo

And you thought J.R. Ewing gave Dallas a bad reputation.

Most Eligible Dallas is the new reality-based TV show on Bravo that's putting Dallas back on the map once again. Or is it? With all the Real Housewives of Does-Anybody-Care type shows, Bravo thinks it has a hit with this show about wealthy yuppies that lust for love. They talk about their own personal wealth because we care, right?

Dallas is not that shallow.

Big D
I figured out something while watching the show. Everyone calls Dallas "Big D." But "Big D" or "BD" has several other meanings.

• Big Deal
• Bad Date
• Bad Directing
• Bad Dream

The Most Eligible Dallas Players

Courtney
I actually like Courtney. She has an obvious "thing" for Matt and it's clear from the very beginning. But she denies it saying, "I've never hooked up with Matt. I know Matt too well to go there" and "Matt's like my brother." (I suspect in an Angelina Jolie sort of way). But she has some very likeable characteristics. "I'm like Texas starlet: big hair, big jewelry, big attitude." Who doesn't like big jewelry? And love her comment, "Como se dice too many blondes in one spot?  Who is the girl at the disco ball?"

The best line from the entire hour-long show (OK, 40 minutes of show, 20 minutes of commercials) came from Courtney. It was "Choo-Choo. It's like the whole train o hos in their cheap dresses and their plastic heels, and their fake boobies." Mockingly, she says, "Oh my God I love this song."

This girl/character has some potential.

Glenn
Here's one of our first glimpses of Glenn. "From a physical aspect, to me, I'm second to none." Really? OK, how much more conceited and self-centered can you get? Everybody in DFW has a personal trainer or goes to the gym. Big Deal. Glenn also announced that he likes to be on the prowl and work a room. And that he gets turned on by watching Family Feud. He didn't specify if he was talking about the good old days with Richard Dawson (my personal fav years) or a more current version -- but creepy nonetheless.

Glenn is from Michigan but he's been an NFL punter for a variety of teams like Washington, New Orleans, Chicago, New York (Jets), Tennessee, Seattle, Pittsburgh, Atlanta, Oakland and more -- but claims that "Dallas feels like home." Sounds to me like he's just been cut (from the team) a lot. j

One of my friends wrote about Glenn after the show, "...And I'm no sports authority, but if you've been a kicker for 10 teams, doesn't that mean you suck at it and teams just keep getting rid of you?" Good point.

Glenn is in love with himself. I predict he will remain eligible for a while. Maybe his portfolio of photos will help him out -- if he lays off eating a dozen donuts at a time.

• "I've never had an ugly duckling face. I've just been this pretty ever since I was a child."

I'm thinking of a word to describe Glenn. It starts with a "D" but I just can't think of it. Help me out in the comments below.

Drew
Drew wants you to know that he's not the stereotypical gay. He likes cars -- not fashion. Drew's best line was "You want to talk carbon fiber? You want to talk fuel injection? You want to talk horse power? Then I'm your guy. You want to talk Armani? You want to talk Versace? You want to talk the arts? Go find another queer." Well spoken.

But even Drew comes across a self-centered, indulgent cheeseball in the beginning because his first introduction lets us know that he lives in one of the most prestigious buildings in uptown Big D. "I've got a view that's a panty-dropper." (Well now that was momentarily confusing). And then he says that if wants anything, all he has to do is "push a buddon." Real people from Dallas say "button." He presses his buddon and says "I need a facial. I press a buddon."

I talked to some friends and Drew didn't impress the Oak Lawn crowd. "Underwhelmed" was the across-the-board opinion on Drew. So sad. I wanted to like him. Let's hope his real personality develops in future episodes. I think he has some potential.

Matt
Oh Matt, Matt, Matt. Where do we begin? First of all, he needs some form of hands-free cellphone device. Dialing up girls while driving is just unsafe. I hope he doesn't run into me while shooting in Plano. Geez.

Matt had some interesting lines

• "I'm able to afford all the things that I want right now. If you can get to that point, then the world sort of becomes your playground."
• "I consider myself a total package."
• "One of the things my mother told me was when you walk in a room, own it. And I've always done it."

Matt also is in a platonic relationship with Courtney. They claim to be "just friends" but it's obvious that there's something more that will be played out in future episodes. Matt flaunts women around Courtney and she can't stand it. Note to the Director: fade from color to "just green" for envy when you show Courtney looking at Matt's women in future episodes. I'm sure there's time for a little post-production work, right?

But don't be hatin' on Matt. (His words -- he's a little gangsta). "If you wanna hate on me for being a single guy, 28, in town, fine. Do it." Too late. I'm kinda hatin' on Matt. And I personally would like to offer him a Bluetooth device-- for the safety of our streets and our children.

Tara
Tara has "blonde hair, blue eyes big boobs. I'm 100% a Dallas girl." She's the self-professed quintesential Dallas girl. "There's no question where I'm from." Tara prefers to attend charity events instead of going to bars -- and she apparently likes the rowdier charity events. And she loves National Big Hair Day. And hair spray. Lots and lots of hair spray.

Tara has a passion for animals. She's the Executive VP of sales for her family's company but her favorite charity is "Paws in the City," which rescues dogs and cats before they are euthanized. And there's nothing she wouldn't do to save an animal. I'm sure this story will develop in future episodes. That makes her look like such a nice gal.

Until she starts to brag. She lives in Preston Hollow near her rich parents (insert video of their ginormous house) who are into charity work and the social scene. "I live two blocks from President Bush." She's also been engaged a few times -- actually four -- to "Sweetie," Steve, and John and Matt and follows with "I'm 100 percent committed to not be committed."

I loved how Gregg, Tara's friend, walks in to see her latest doggie acquisition and he asks, "You're serving dogs on Wedgewood china?" Doesn't everyone in Dallas? I like a girl who does charity work. I am a big supporter of charities. And there's a big difference in writing a check and supporting a charity. Tara has some redeeming qualities. I look forward to seeing what happens to her.

Neill
Yes, there's a female on the show named Neill. She makes a brief appearance in the first episode but we're sure that we'll be seeing much more of her. She attended a dinner party at Naan as the guest of her friend Matt, who she apparently dated when she was 18 or so. Courtney immediately hates her. She has a one-year-old son named Major and she sings. That's about all we know about her -- except she's a self-professed "hot little Mama." Courtney can't stand her and thinks she should stay home with her baby. (Get a clue, Courtney)!

There's a reason these are the most eligible in Dallas. Are you interested in having a relationship with any of these hopefuls? Bravo hopes that you are.

On Location
The show is good for the local economy. In addition to Dallas, a lot of location shooting went on in Plano at Jasper's, Naan and NYLO. How did I miss that?

Opinions
My husband watched a good 20 minutes of the show with me. I asked, "What's your impression?" He said, "I can't handle anymore of this. I'm embarrassed."  

I think it will be the train wreck that will keep DFW viewers engaged for a few more weeks at least. But it's embarrassing. And I can honestly say that I know lots of people who live in Dallas -- and no one even remotely resembles the cast of Most Eligible Dallas. People with money generally enough class to know that you don't talk about money.

I just celebrated 24 years of marriage with my darling husband on August 15th. Thank goodness we aren't Eligible! And thank goodness we live in the suburbs so we don't have to suffer the fallout from this show.

And only a person without a child (or a moron) would say that you should stay home every night with a one-year-old. That's just insanity/inexperience talking there. I'm a firm believer in putting babysitters through college for a Parental Sanity Break.

Post Show Chat With Facebook Friends
Of course we have to preview and review on Facebook.

• "OK, after watching 5 minutes of Most Eligible Dallas I'm nauseated. These 6 snobs don't resemble anyone I know, thank goodness!!!"
• "Doesn't Courtney -- the mean girl -- kind of remind you of how I used to be before I got married and had kids?"
• "I feel sorry for the singles in Dallas."
• "These Dallatudites make the Real Housewives of New Jersey seem like Shakespeare in comparison."

But remember, it's a TV show with a director and several producers. Someone is definitely giving them some direction. 

What Do You Think?
Are these six the most eligible in Dallas? Would you date anyone like this cast of singles? Let me know what you think.

Most Eligible Dallas is on Bravo at 9 p.m. CT Mondays.